There has to be a better way to do this.

There has to be a better way to do this.
...you know. the whole 'life' and 'living' thing.

I have this tendency to run myself into the ground. To go until I cannot go anymore.
I feel like I am wasting my time if I am not being productive. Eat quickly. Don't sleep too much. Don't do anything that isn't work... or else, you are wasting your time.

Well, that philosophy basically sucks, and let me tell you why.
If I go until I just can't anymore... I will spend days and days and days recuperating until I can start going again... and then my state will be weaker. And if I try to push myself again, I can't go with the same fervor and I don't have the same endurance. And eventually I can't do much of anything.

So I'm trying to learn to take time during the day to... just breathe. However, influenced by my impatience and the amount of work I have to do, it is hard for me to spend time not being stressed out, but just taking time to relax and breathe. And if I get to a day where I need to choose between my health and my grades (this happens frequently, actually...), then I must carefully weigh the importance and the pros and cons. Which sometimes means that I must take a day to rest. And while this means my academics or my relationships may take the heat for it... If I get myself into a state where I no longer have the choice and I am forced to spend days and days in bed... Those things will suffer much greater. So I suppose I am learning the lesser of two evils. But that has been no easy task for me.

I have been eating better. drinking more water. being less stupid. you know. It would probably help if I wasn't so darn stubborn. but hey! ...not gonna happen.

So there's an update from me.

It's wonderful to have everyone think you're simply incompetent and lazy. But I take prideful joy in knowing that... I am smarter and better than them in every way. (...) (!)


K